My Very Most Favorite

time of day is the quiet early morning hours when the world is just starting to open her eyes. 

She reaches her arms high in a great big stretch and with a wide yawn she breathes in all the possibility of a new day.  It was my pleasure to witness this very chain of events this morning. And as the sun peeked his head over the mountain I took this photo of my babies all cuddled up in bed with their daddy. Life is good in the morning.

The Greatest...

Husband in the world! We have been blessed with a hand me down van that has had a little shimmy/shake problem since before we got it. *B*'s brother-in-law tried everything he could to fix it and we have since tried a few things but to no avail. Two weekends ago the guys took the van up the mountain to the fathers and sons campout... we have had a very scary shake since then. To the point that we've been racking our brains trying to figure out how we could afford a car payment or afford to drive the Big Gas Hog (the Blazer). In desperation *B* put the car up on jacks and took the wheels off. I "drove" while he watched... he came up with a theory and tonight his theory proved to be true. Thus, our van is fixed (with the exception of needing a new radiator)! He is the hero of the hour. Which is true most days in my opinion, but honestly, I've never been more grateful that he isn't afraid to take things apart and have a go at it. In that same spirit, *I* dropped our cell phone and killed the screen so we couldn't see who we wanted to call, etc. I guess he was feeling pretty confident, because *B* took the phone apart and fixed it too. He rocks! On a different note...

The photo is from Shimelle's blog she has a photo fact sheet, emphasis on awareness that you can check out if you want to be more aware behind the lens (it's on her May 23rd post). I'm definitely going to try to document my day. We'll see how it goes.

Enjoy the Journey!

Love Story Wednesday

This story is set on Dec. 15, 2000. It had been a really eventful day. *B*'s mom wanted to meet me so we went to Cedar and she taught us how to make cinnamon & orange rolls (I have no idea how to do that now, so don't ask). That night we went to my work Christmas party but showed up at the wrong house. Funny thing is, the people at this party didn't catch on any faster than we did. I just kept looking around for someone I knew... After making it to the right party we went to a movie and after that we spent some time chatting on the couch at my apartment. This is the question I got... "What am I going to do with you (like I'm some naughty little child and he's absolutely at a loss as to how to handle me)?" He got a question right back. "What do you want to do with me?" And then he got a, "Talk to me Bruce" (I always used to say that to him, and still do on occasion. I think it's funny. When I say it I try to imitate Tom Cruise in Top Gun when he is freaking out and rubbing his dog tags saying "talk to me Goose". I don't think that *B* realizes it, but one day he will and then he really will think I'm crazy. Maybe that's why I think it's so funny). Anyway, the poor guy was so confused... he just liked me too much. Me, the heartless (manipulative) wench that I am... This is what he got: "Do you think it's possible that you only like me because you're tired of being alone and I'm here?" He got a lot of how I was feeling told to him in a way that made it sound like he was feeling it. I told him to quit trying to talk himself into liking me. This is how I ended the day, "I think he's confusing himself unnecessarily. I wish he'd stop."

Love Story Wednesday

As you are well aware at this point, I was beyond irrational in this relationship. I was getting lectured regularly by a roommate... She said I was acting just like my brother (who played with her heart... and broke it). I thought I was being really blunt and straight forward. I just didn't feel any chemistry. So then I got lectured that if I wouldn't even look at him as an option, why would I feel chemistry. And for that matter... how do you know if he gives you butterflies if you never kiss him? I obviously didn't go for that one because it took six months for me to let him kiss me. And this is how it was... I knew he wanted to kiss me (and "date" me for that matter). I knew I didn't want to ruin our friendship. You know, this relationship wasn't going anywhere. I was informed that it was time. I had to let him kiss me to see what happened. And that's exactly what I did. I let him kiss me. Does it surprise you if I say that I felt NOTHING. It didn't surprise me at all. What did surprise me is that it made me really mad. I was starting to like him. Why didn't I feel anything? I should have felt something. So, now we were officially "dating" (I'm goofy... if you don't kiss and hold hands you're just having fun... hanging out) and of course we kissed more and things started to get more complicated. A few weeks after our first kiss *B* told me he was ready to make a bigger committment and that I needed to figure out what it was that I wanted. This is what I wrote in my journal... "OOPS!" Enjoy the Journey!

Love Story Wednesday...

On a Thursday. I figured that since this weekend is General Conference I'll tell about a little trip *B* and I took to Salt Lake in 2001 to visit with some old mission companions of mine. Since I've not kept any type of order I'll just share that we started to have a "kissing" relationship about a month previous and since I don't kiss people I'm not dating I was finally admitting that, yes, we were dating. I had been in such turmoil about our relationship up to this point. I really liked him. I knew that he would make a great husband to whoever he married. I had even been praying/ fasting/ spending time at the temple about the whole thing but I hadn't felt anything. I took that as an answer that we weren't supposed to get married. But I missed him when he wasn't around. So I guess I was just dragging him along... This was a rough weekend for us. I wasn't very nice. Everyone was asking about "us" and I wasn't shy about telling them that even though we were dating, it wasn't going anywhere. We were just having fun. This wasn't news to *B*. I'd been telling him this for months now... I don't know why he got so upset! It came down to this... I apparently made him feel like he was around for my own personal gratification and he in turn made me feel like a hussy. I was hurt and so was he. On the way home I decided that if we couldn't agree on what our relationship was and be happy about it then we should just be done with each other. So there I was, in the process of telling him (for what felt like the 100th time) that this just wasn't going anywhere and if we can't play nice then I guess we can't even be around each other... and it hit me that I was going to marry him. That was the answer I'd been waiting for and it totally shut me up... except to tell him that I was really sorry that I hurt him. Wow, I was going to marry *B*! Finally, I felt peace. Enjoy the journey!

Love Story Wednesday

It has been a lot of fun for me to read back through my journal with a different perspective than it was written in. I think I am seriously the biggest geek in the world and am embarrassed by some of the stuff I've written. I also get a good chuckle out of how completely obvious it is that I was seriously afraid of committment. Truth told, I still am. That's why I can't make even the simplest of decisions. I have since discovered that this "flaw" in me is simply because I am a seeker... always looking for the best thing (and what if this isn't it?). I don't think it's a flaw... I just let people know up-front that I don't make decisions. Tell me what to do and I'll do it. I'll even do it over the top most of the time. Just don't put me in charge. So... getting back to the love story. The point of all of that is this: It is terribly unfortunate that I am in charge of my life... and (at this point in the story) had some big decisions to make. My logic went out the window. This love story is all about how great *B* was back then and how I knew it, but refused to see it. Today's story occured on my birthday in 2000. I turned 24. According to my journal turning 24 didn't bother me so much. It just reminded me that I was alone and in the middle of a crazy life. I wanted "someone to cuddle up to, someone I could cry to when I had a bummer day". Here comes the oblivious part... *B* made me a birthday cake, took me out to lunch and listened to me cry about my crazy life, then, when he brought me home, he rubbed my feet. "I think he's great. I love that he made the cake himself. I can't get over that he made it double layered and put frosting in the middle. Plus, he made fun little wavies on the sides like a cake decorator. His new name is Martha Stewart!" Then I proceeded to cry that I wanted someone just like *B* but not *B*. I closed with this: "*B* treats me like I'm kind of fragile and I'm liking it, because when it comes right down to it I know I'm not." Yes, I am fully aware of the irony in this post. That's why I chose to share it. I was in serious denial. Poor guy went through an awful lot to get me. I hope he thinks it's worth it. Enjoy the Journey!

Love Story Wednesday

I was going to write about our first kiss today, but I found something in my journal that made me laugh so I thought I'd share that instead... I had "re-met" *B* about a month previously at the fireside and apparently we had been doing a lot together because he had come to the hospital with Taco Bell for lunch. We went into the x-ray breakroom to eat and this older guy Norman was in there with Shaun (they were both really a big smart-alecs and actually pretty funny). He said, "Well... who might this be?" I told him he was *B*. "And who is *B*? A friend? A boyfriend? What? Before anyone else could say anything Norman pipes up with, "He can't be in here." I wasn't really sure if he could be or not so I asked if he was serious. His answer was this: "Friends and good friends have to leave, but he can stay if he plans on marrying you." Get this, *B* got all comfy on the couch and said, "I guess that means I get to stay." I just about fell on the floor. After all of that I thought this would be a good time to inform him that I was going to set him up with a girl in my ward named Sara. He asked why, like I was trying to pawn him off onto someone else. I figured he wanted to find someone, I wanted him to find someone besides me... why not? After we ate I was guiding him out of the maze that is the hospital and we ran into Norman and Shaun again. Norman said to *B*, "I hope you know what you've got there. She's a great catch... A great girl. You can't do any better than *M*. Hang on to her. Marry her quick." Shaun thankfully came to my rescue and told him to knock it off because he was embarrassing me. *B* leaned over and looked at my face... "are you embarrassed?" he asked. No! Only horrified. I was so trying to keep our relationship uncomplicated. Enjoy the Journey!

Love Story Wednesday

We're going to skip around the story a little bit. There is no rule about having to go in order, right? Today I'll tell you how *B* propositioned me (as he puts it). Actually, he is telling me now that he didn't propose to me, I proposed to him... I know that isn't true, but he thinks it's funny that I didn't write anything down from that time and told him I needed his help. ha ha! After spending Saturday with his family... and the maternal extended family at the coal mines up by Tropic having an Easter picnic and egg hunt (and, I later learned, raising a lot of questions because we were so cozy... apparently his sister & brother-in-law didn't even know we were dating). On the way home we stopped off at *B*s favorite fishing hole, Quail Creek, and chatted for a while. He spontaneously blurted out, "let's get married." My response was, "okay." As you imagine that scene think of the way I say okay when I think someone is being crazy (even though I figured he was serious) and you'll have it about right. He looks at me kind of thunder-struck'ish... "really?" he asked. I thought about it for another second and said, "sure." I can't even begin to tell you how cute he was. Giddy is the best way to describe the way he was bouncing around. I just laughed. I had known for a month or so that we were going to get married eventually, but that's another story for another Wednesday. There are a few fuzzy details but *B* says it doesn't matter because we are happily married now. I hope you are all thinking of your own love stories and writing them down if you already haven't. Enjoy the Journey!

Love Story Wednesday

I've been looking at the list again. Sometime I'm going to have to start telling my stories. I've noticed that a few of the blogs I frequent have a plan. They talk about specific things on certain days. I think that might make it easier. So, today is telling my love stories. I'll have to try to remember that Wednesday is love story day... if it doesn't turn out to be an inspiring love story day I'll change it, but for now, Wednesday it is. I will start with the first time *B* and I met. We I was at his parents house with a group of people I had been hanging out with (his brother included). We were going to have a game night but at this point in the story we were all standing around in the kitchen talking about disgusting things we had eaten on our missions. I was pondering about how pathetic my life was because I had been hanging out with these guys for a couple of months and was getting a, "you went on a mission?" reaction. Seriously, come on guys... I think we've had this conversation before. So there I was, thinking, "what am I doing here with these people?" and *B* walked in... looking very rugged and mountain man'ish from his elk hunting expedition. No, I'm not going to lie and tell you it was love at first sight. Honestly, I was thinking, "Wahoo! I'm saved!" and praying that he'd be more interesting than a bump on a log. We talked for a while and then I migrated with the rest of the group to play games and he did what ever mountain men do when they come in from the mountains. I didn't think anything more about him until I saw him at a fireside a few months later ( I had since moved to the city he lived in)... again my response when I saw him was, "wahoo! I'm saved!" For some reason I was the creepy guy magnet at the firesides and didn't have it in me to be really blunt and outright rude to them. I am not kidding when I tell you that I almost ran to *B* when I saw him across the gym. He saved me at those firesides more than once and I am being entirely honest when I say that I was totally using him for my own selfish desires. He was my white knight on a steed. Literally. So, that's it. My stories will be about as interesting as they come. Maybe after I tell about the true love I'll share some of my creep stories... like the time this guy asked me to go out for ice cream but then drove to the temple and started playing with my hair... eww! Enjoy the Journey!