Love Story Wednesday

It has been a lot of fun for me to read back through my journal with a different perspective than it was written in. I think I am seriously the biggest geek in the world and am embarrassed by some of the stuff I've written. I also get a good chuckle out of how completely obvious it is that I was seriously afraid of committment. Truth told, I still am. That's why I can't make even the simplest of decisions. I have since discovered that this "flaw" in me is simply because I am a seeker... always looking for the best thing (and what if this isn't it?). I don't think it's a flaw... I just let people know up-front that I don't make decisions. Tell me what to do and I'll do it. I'll even do it over the top most of the time. Just don't put me in charge. So... getting back to the love story. The point of all of that is this: It is terribly unfortunate that I am in charge of my life... and (at this point in the story) had some big decisions to make. My logic went out the window. This love story is all about how great *B* was back then and how I knew it, but refused to see it. Today's story occured on my birthday in 2000. I turned 24. According to my journal turning 24 didn't bother me so much. It just reminded me that I was alone and in the middle of a crazy life. I wanted "someone to cuddle up to, someone I could cry to when I had a bummer day". Here comes the oblivious part... *B* made me a birthday cake, took me out to lunch and listened to me cry about my crazy life, then, when he brought me home, he rubbed my feet. "I think he's great. I love that he made the cake himself. I can't get over that he made it double layered and put frosting in the middle. Plus, he made fun little wavies on the sides like a cake decorator. His new name is Martha Stewart!" Then I proceeded to cry that I wanted someone just like *B* but not *B*. I closed with this: "*B* treats me like I'm kind of fragile and I'm liking it, because when it comes right down to it I know I'm not." Yes, I am fully aware of the irony in this post. That's why I chose to share it. I was in serious denial. Poor guy went through an awful lot to get me. I hope he thinks it's worth it. Enjoy the Journey!