Saturday, September 29, 2007

Hello There! (this will be a long one)

It's been a while! I've been crazy busy in the mornings and I shut down in the afternoons. They just slip away from me. That's nothing new... I've always been a morning person, but this is ridiculous! Any thoughts on how to pull myself up in the afternoon? I don't get anything done these days. Maybe the Rec center job isn't the greatest thing for me. I can't keep giving up my best time of day... Just a thought. Yesterday I started doing my scrapbook pages for our family yearbook. I've got four pages done! I'm not sure how many I'll do. I definitely need one more each for the boys and a page for B & me. I think after that I'll call it done enough. The only other person that has any done did four for their whole family. I don't want the whole book to be about me! I'll be starting another BFL challenge on Monday. I've really slipped in my routine. I guess I need a challenge to keep me honest! If I don't have a reason to say no it must not be that important to me. Working on figuring out my new goals. They are always pretty much the same. I still want to lose 20-30 lbs. I'd like to see if I can be a size 8. I just want to be cute. to feel good about my body. I still see too much of me! I will get going on my over-all efficiency. The BFL program is very efficient. I need to work on clearing my clutter, cleaning my messes, etc. Like I said, it's always the same thing. B and me had a great chat the other day. We went on a lunch date and started talking about what I need to do. He said something to the effect of Satan knows that I have these incredible mood swings and get stuck in these ruts and he plays on that weakness. I get so frustrated! Is this psychological or physiological? Is this a trap from Satan or a "challenge" from the Lord? I told B that it doesn't really matter. If it's a challenge I'm supposed to overcome, I'm failing. If it's a trap from Satan, he's winning. Either way, I don't know what to do! No, I do know what to do... I just can't seem to do it and I beat myself up for that every stinking day! I can't do everything that is required of me. I'll just end the vent there. It's just going in circles anyway... Trying to enjoy the Journey!

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

The Numbers are In...

Well, here they are. Before and after numbers and photos. I just wanted to tell you thank you for being such great cheerleaders! Seriously. With you continually validating my efforts and making me look realistically at what is happening to my body I can't help but smile and be proud of my efforts! Here are some measurements:
  • At belly button: B: 39 1/2 A: 35 1/8
  • Rear end/hips: B: 44 3/4 A: 41 3/8
  • Upper Thighs: B: 27 A: 25
  • Weight: B: 195 A: 170
  • Body Fat %: B: 31.7 A: 24.4

I feel really great about the results I've had! I am in a good starting place now to finally be where I've always dreamed of being. I need to put more thought and effort into this between/ down time. I thought after 12 weeks it would be second nature to not eat certain things, but... NOT TRUE! Just like an alcoholic, I am an addict. I'm going to have to actively deny myself of things. It won't be easy. I've totally let down these last couple of days. I've got to get back on that wagon!

Now, the pictures. I still can't believe it. I look at myself everyday. I didn't expect this when I put them side by side!

Starting another journey!

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Sneak Peek...

Tomorrow is the last day of my challenge. I've been thinking a lot as I've worked on my essay and "inner transformation" questions and Ali had links to things written by Anna Quindlen (a woman who is, I am sure, a feminist liberal (something I would probably be if it weren't so completely irrational) but I liked portions of what she had to say. She wrote: "look in the mirror tonight... Who is that woman? She is the work of your life. She is it's greatest glory." This resonated with me because one of my transformation goals was to be able to smile at myself in the mirror. Plus, in thinking about our selves being our greatest work... at first that felt really off. What about our children? Well, after much thought and deliberation, our children are not ours. They will ulitmately become what they will. I become what I will. So, "to smile at myself in the mirror" I seriously doubt that Anna Quindlen was talking about looking great... that is NOT feminism. But, I want that. I am learning to respect myself. I want to look like someone who knows she matters. Who cares about and respects herself. Someone who knows that her body is a temple. As I go along and see things that need to be edited from my life, things that are dragging me down (for example: the guilt that was associated with all of the scrapbooking supplies that I was collecting only) I feel better. Each time I say no and walk away from a handful of animal crackers, or get up at 5:45 a.m to work my body into the ground I feel more empowered. I am putting aside the natural woman and each time I do that the natural consequence is beauty without, strength within. I didn't mean to ramble. I just wanted to sort that quote out in my head and as you well know, for me that works best through my fingers! I just looked out the window and I've got two streakers out there. One in a Superman cape, the other completely naked. What is it with my boys thinking they need to naked? It's not like their two anymore either! FYI: They got their clothes wet in the irrigation water... of course they had to take them off! Well, I don't have final numbers to share yet, but I did go and get my after pictures taken... here's a sample:

Enjoying the Journey!

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Twice in One Day!

So, I'm thinking of cutting my hair... Here are some thoughts:
  1. Really CHOP it off. A chin length bob'ish do.
  2. Leave it long but add a few more layers.
  3. Mix and Match
Here are some pictures. I'm looking for votes here ladies!

The "mix and match" option I was thinking something like having them take the top most layer of my hair (the part I dry/straighten last) and cutting it like they would a bob. Like the bottom right picture only with all the rest of my hair long or maybe the top right... maybe they're the same but the bottom right is just so outrageous in it's presentation... After much study I have learned that the look for thirty-somethings is long layers. I don't love tons of layers though...
Anyhow, that's what I'm thinking. What are you thinking?
Enjoy the Journey!

Optimal Experience

I fizzed on my cardio workout this morning. B & I were up until after midnight last night and I got up at 5:45 a.m. for the gym. This schedule seems to be a re-occuring theme for me, and while it's not great I've still been able to push through to have a great workout. Today that just didn't happen. I am so physically exhausted. I got half way through and honestly thought I was going to pass out. I backed down to a walk until I felt like I had it under control and then tried to finish up strong. I just couldn't make myself do it. Could I have physically done it? Probably, I think our bodies are stronger than we think. I am all around spent. In a way I think I took the easy out. In a way I think I have honestly run out of gas. I could have kept pushing this morning, but would that have ruined my day? I am just going to feel good about what I did accomplish and enjoy the insight I had while sitting on my front porch "meditating". Here's my daily something that resulted...

I will not beat myself up for today. I am still going to give myself a gold star!

Enjoy the Journey!

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Making Friends

Well, we have friends. This is new for us... we've usually had family. We have made friends with the Kesterson family. They have three boys. The two oldest are in the same age groups as our boys and we've spent the last two days swapping boys. It's funny to watch them interact. They're not used to playing with other kids. It's crazy to be the mom that needs to make sure that they are playing nicely and don't offend... I'd hate to have to explain something terrible to a mom and hope that she doesn't abandon our family. It's a little strange to be in this place. It isn't just automatic that they're in our lives. They can choose never to interact with us again. Honestly, I really like their mom and keep hoping that the boys will play nice so we can all continue being friends.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Crunch Time

This is my final BFL week. Now is when I have to start really trying to figure out what to put in my essay. It's the essay that really clinches the winner, and writing an essay is something I know I can do. I've been looking through the questionairre that's in the packet. One of the questions is: WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO INSPIRE TO ENTER THE BFL CHALLENGE & WHY? I've been thinking about all of the questions a lot and today the answer came to this one... This is for all the SuperWomen out there who don't know they're super. The moms and grandmas and aunts and sisters and friends who do all and be all to everyone else, but put their own dreams on the back burner. I would like to inspire each of them... no, CHALLENGE each of them, to finally take some time for themselves. What do you think? Too cheesy? Do I sound like I want to be an ambassador? My body is spent. I am seriously glad this is the end for a while. I can't maintain this intensity for much longer. I keep telling myself, SIX MORE DAYS... you can do anything for six more days. I'm ready for lower intensity to come. Maybe I'll try spinning again. After all, I did buy a soft seat cover... Enjoy the Journey!

Friday, September 7, 2007

I {heart} Hand-Me-Downs

Really, I do love hand-me-downs. Such a blessing. I have been horrified at the thought of the women in my book group coming to my house and thinking that we're white trash. I realize that I'm probably overly sensitive. I jump to assumptions way to soon and make up people's minds for them. I do know that maybe one of them would understand what we've been through. One other actually knows. The rest... married in school, graduated to white collar jobs, moved into big houses. I want everyone to love my house in all of it's imperfect, unfinished, white-trash'ish glory! REALLY! It has such potential.
So, Greg Abbott (of the white Christmas lights house accross the street) mentioned to Aunt Lill that on occasion he would have nice furniture that his clients didn't want anymore, so if she knew anyone who needed furniture he was usually always looking to give some away. When Lill told me that I immediately raised my hand, "Oh, pick me! Pick me!" I bit down my pride and called him. He had a couch! It isn't the couch of my dreams, but it's 1,000,000+ times better than what we currently have on display. What we have has great bones. I still want to try to recover them in fabric that I love, but for now... they have seen their day and performed well beyond what anyone could expect. So, Yeah for us! We've got a new couch!
I was interrupted in the middle of my writing by a phone call. B's afternoon break. Can I just tell you how much I hate money? Honestly! Why does everything in the world come back to money? I was just having fun dreaming and then...BAM! Money. Yep, I hate it. Can't I even dream? What a total bummer.
Trying to remember to enjoy the Journey!

Wednesday, September 5, 2007


Eleven days to go. Can you believe it? Yesterday I had dinner with Cori @ the Pasta Factory. I love it that they have whole wheat pasta, pesto, grilled chicken, & steamed veggies... and that they offer 1/2 plates. I just eat half the pasta and all of the veggies and chicken. Plus a salad with lemon and salt. It's really great! I keep telling myself that I need to sprint to the finish line. I also keep telling myself that there is no stopping at the end. Yes, it will slow down. No, it will not stop. This will be an active "cool down" for a couple weeks. Then I think I will go at it again. I am feeling really great. Especially first thing in the morning when I first look in the mirror. That was one of my goals: To be able to smile at myself in the mirror in the morning. I think I can do that. This has been so great for me. THIS IS NOT THE END! I still have 11 days to get rid of as much of the extra fat as possible before my last photo shoot. GO ME!!! Enjoy the Journey!

Tuesday, September 4, 2007


This is my attempt to fill you in after this crazy weekend. REALLY crazy! I need to go to Norm & Lill's and take a picture of our great neighbors. They deserve a minute in the spotlight. They have done so much for us. Today Lill washed, dried, and folded two loads of our dirty laundry. That is true service. She called me up the minute I walked in the door from a typical VERY busy Tuesday morning. Really, what great neighbors and friends. Maybe tomorrow I can tell you a little more about the weekend and what Lillian has done for me lately.
Enjoy the Journey!

Saturday, September 1, 2007

Search for the U-Haul

As I watched the U-Haul pull away from our house this morning I realized that the moment had to be documented. I couldn't believe I didn't think of it sooner. I grabbed my camera, grateful that K & M needed to stop for gas. But they weren't where I thought they were going. So I did a round town checking at the more convenient gas stations... nothing! Sadly, I had to settle for this photo from Flickr. Oh well, it's the story that matters, right? And what can I say, really? I can't even begin to... They moved here in a time I really needed them. Saved me from myself. I'll be forever grateful that we have gotten to know this family so well. They are so much more that family. They are real friends. I know, that sounds a little backwards! I guess that what I mean is that they aren't just B's family. Now they are mine too. Yes, I think that says it better. So, here's to changes and moving and going forward.
Enjoy your journey and have a safe one!