About A Girl

Really, it's all about a girl feeling good about herself. I want to feel good about myself. I stepped on the scale yesterday a.m. for the first time in a long time. I've been really afraid to take that step and well... it was with good reason. 200 stinking lbs. argh! We were visiting the in-laws and all of the "I can't gain weight" challenged guys are comparing weight and how much they don't weigh and I'm sitting there thinking, "I'm probably right up there with you." I didn't know it then, but it was sadly, all too true... I thought I was just being pessimistic. So it is with good reason that I start on this journey anew. It's just so danged hard! On a different note (and yet probably the same one)... The psychiatrist had a cancellation and they got me in earlier than planned. I went yesterday. ADHD confirmed. Anxiety confirmed. Reoccurring depressive episodes confirmed. + some other stuff that I can't remember (one of them had something to do with my... habit?... of seeing terrible things happening in my head is, in fact, not normal. It is truly, as *B* puts it, disturbing). On a happy note my OCD tendencies were not so severe as to warrant me getting to "claim" that one. It sounds terrible, I know, but the appointment went really well and we were actually laughing quite a bit of the time. I think I'll like the new Doc. I was hesitant to go because I'm nursing the girl and I figured that it would just be a waste of money and lead to frustration at not being able to do anything, but... hey, there are drugs out there that can be taken while nursing. Whoop! And, for those of you who are in the know. My "intolerance" to Adderall (a stimulant for ADHD) is because of my anxiety. Apparently you don't give stimulants to people with anxiety disorders. Who knew? Anyways... I guess it's all connected. I'll get me figured out one of these days! Enjoy the Journey!